Monday, December 27, 2010


Well... It was negative. Of course it was negative. What was I thinking getting my hopes up a tiny bit. At least I didn't have time
To think about it at all over the weekend, what a whirlwind Christmas we had! But still no period. I've had tender sore nipples for about a week now but still nothing. On Wednesday I have to call my doctor for provera if I've still had no progress. I feel like that's really taking a step back, but what are you gonna do. Sigh. Just part of the game.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

6 days late.

Today, my period is 6 days late.

Honestly? I feel.... I don't know how I feel. I think mostly angry that my body is doing this. (of course if I am miraculously pregnant, I won't be angry) I feel like just when I'm starting to feel okay about moving on with our 6 month break, my body slaps me in the face and says, "Haha! I'm gonna mess with your head just one last time!!" These last 2 cycles on clomid have been absolutely fantastic in the fact that my body was acting normal and being so regular. Like clockwork, on cd 21 I'd get the positive opk and at 12 dpo my period would start. It was great! I was finally being "regular" for once. And now this. I didn't do anything differently this cycle. I took clomid 150 mgs on cds 3-7. Although I didn't keep track with opks (for which I am now kicking myself, but I thought it would make things easier emotionally since we had decided to stop trying) I thought I felt ovulation happen on cd 19 (earlier than normal too. I even had a little ewcm) and I was expecting my period by December 17th at the latest. They took a pregnancy test at the doctor's office 8 days ago and it was negative, so I went on with my life. Now I'm doubting everything again.

Of course, the logical thing to do would be to test again, right? And I will tomorrow morning if AF doesn't show today, but I don't even want to. I don't "feel" pregnant. I don't feel anything. And if I test and see that empty space where the line for a positive should be, I don't want it to upset me. I feel like I've made strides in the right direction as far as accepting the things I cannot change and moving on. I just feel like saying, "why now?" couldn't I have just started my period like normal and not even have to be having these thoughts? I'm frustrated.

I have a lot of stress this month. A LOT. It could be as simple as that, the reason why I'm late. Or it could be that clomid didn't work for me this cycle and there was no ovulation. Or I guess it could be a miracle, considering we didn't BD at the right times, and I am pregnant. But I'm not holding my breath. Regardless, I have to test before I call the GYN for provera. So I guess one more round of torture is right up ahead. Sigh.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I had my appointment today with my gynecologist for my annual, and to discuss our decision to take a 6 month break from TTC. I love my GYN. She's such a wonderful person and made me feel a lot better. She always spends at least an hour with me and we talk things through. I even let all my pent up emotions go and cried in there for a while. I felt like a heel, but it needed to come out, and she's the one it came out at. lol..

She said the RE that we saw is very good at what he does, but he's very rough around the edges. She described him as NOT "warm and fuzzy". I couldn't agree more. She said he's very matter of fact and some things that he said could have been taken the wrong way, meaning sounding worse than they actually are. I felt a little better after hearing her say that. I asked her if I were to get pregnant right now at my current weight and blood sugar levels, would it be a dangerous pregnancy, and her answer was no. I felt a ton better. Regardless, we are still taking a break to focus on weight loss, because after all, it is necessary and could only help. She is on board with the plan and the up dosage of Metformin (barf). I have no idea if I actually ovulated on clomid last cycle or not, (I'm guessing so) if I did, my period is expected in 2 days. They did an pregnancy test, which was of course a BFN, considering we didn't BD at the right times. So the plan is, if I don't get my period by Dec. 29th, I need to call her for Provera. We need to make sure I still have a bleed at least once every 6 wks. She also said together with the Metformin, the weight loss might actually help me start cycling on my own again and we might even get knocked up during our 6 month wait. :)

She professionally declined giving me birth control during our wait. We talked about it, and she thinks it would do more harm than good at this point. So, I'm kinda happy about that. I wasn't looking forward to start taking it again anyway.

After talking, we did my annual, and come to find out, I have a damn yeast infection!! I thought something wasn't feeling right down there the last few days, but I've never had one before and I had no idea what it felt like. I guess I'm lucky I had an appointment at the right time so she could prescribe a pill to make it go away! Sure am looking forward to that. Yucky itchyness.

At the end, she told me that even though it's difficult that we're taking a break, I need to look at it as PART of the journey, not stopping the journey to pick it up again later. It's all part of the process that will get us a little baby someday. :)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Coming to terms...

I've been kinda avoiding my blog since we made the decision to take a break. I haven't even really posted on here that we have. Basically, the visit to the RE was less than ideal, for me. I was left feeling confused and still determined, but my husband had to reign me in and make me see clearly. The Dr (whom I wasn't too crazy about) diagnosed me with a variant of PCOS. Basically what that means for me, is that I'm badly insulin resistant and have a tendency to have high blood sugar and to put on unnecessary weight. My body does not process sugars and fats the way it should, and not knowing I had it and leaving it untreated with my current diet has put me in a bad bad place weight wise. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, and I don't like it at all. Unfortunately, that means that if I were to become pregnant right now, there would be a lot of risks involved. High blood sugar during pregnancy causes you to develop gestational diabetes and also it can cause birth defects. My weight would affect my blood pressure, since my heart would be pumping double the blood for the baby, and that is extremely dangerous. The reason I'm not ovulating is due to the fact that the PCOS is screwing with my hormones and sending the wrong signals to the ovaries. I guess essentially, my body is trying to save itself by not letting me become pregnant.. Once I realized that, it was kind of hard to swallow, but true.

The doctor layed out a plan that would override my body with drugs and have me pregnant by April he said, but without saying the words, he advised against it. When I heard that, I was ecstatic. All I heard was "Pregnant by April". My husband on the other hand, had his head on right, and heard all the bad things that would likely happen. We had a talk on the way home and he made me realize that Yes, we want a baby. But we want a healthy baby, and a healthy pregnancy. Why put myself and our child through the risks of serious consequences if we can avoid it? He is so right. I don't want to be bed ridden and sick and have to inject myself with insulin everyday just to keep myself alive while I'm pregnant. That's not what I picture in my head. I want to be a beautiful, glowing pregnant lady that has a ton of energy to keep going until I deliver. That dream was pretty much shattered at the doctor's office.

So here's the new plan. I am on some serious medication (twice the dose I was on before) to help regain control of my insulin resistance and on a diet and exercise plan to help me lose about 40 lbs before we start trying again. That should help lower the risks significantly and help me have that healthy pregnancy we both want. I'm going to my GYN on December 15th to pick up birth control pills and to have my annual exam to make sure everything up there looks good after all these rounds of fertility treatments. 6 month break, minimum, then we'll re evaluate.

At first, I had a very hard time letting go. We've been at this for almost a full year, and I felt like I was giving up. But after thinking about it and realizing all the things I needed to accept, I feel better about it already. It's still hard sometimes, of course, when I think about it and wanting something so strongly that I can't have right now. But it's for the best.

Anyway.. I'm rambling. I imagine I won't have too many posts these next 6 months, but I'll check in from time to time.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

On this thanksgiving, I need this.

Grant me the Serenity to accept things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that I have,
and Strength to get up and try again even when I feel it is hopeless.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Be back in 6 months....

Monday, November 22, 2010

A borrowed story that hits close to home.

If you are a woman who has spent your life imagining what it would be like to have a child, then you know how exciting it is when you finally decide that you are ready to make that leap. You are finally prepared to put yourself second. You are willing to make a child the number one priority in life. You are ready to get pregnant!

If you are a woman who has tried and tried and who has been unable to conceive, then you also know the veritable barrage of emotions that you encounter — grief, embarrassment, uselessness.

As a 29 year-old woman I have been married for four years and have been with the same man since I was 19. I can hardly remember a time when I didn’t want to have children with him. I cannot remember a time at all, for that matter, when I didn’t daydream about being a mother one day.
Every woman in my family is like a fertility machine. They get pregnant the first time they try. They get pregnant every time they try. Imagine my surprise when after a year of trying I still wasn’t pregnant.

You might not think about it often, but it’s a relative shot in the dark. It is amazing how many people get pregnant unexpectedly, actually. It has to happen one of three or four specific days which are often hard to pinpoint for many women.

Frustration sets in. Why me? Why can so many people get pregnant the one time they have unprotected sex while I’m doing everything ever suggested by doctors, old wives tales, myths, and a woman down the street has eight kids?

When you spend a year trying to conceive and are unable, it is often considered an early sign of infertility. I hate that word I like to say I’m ‘baby challenged’. You (and your partner) are then subjected to every test under the sun, most of which involve full or partial nudity in front of one or more people, often with legs spread in a very compromising position. But, hey, you’ll do anything to find out a reason why?

For many, these tests reveal very little. In my case perfectly healthy, both of us. These things all result in orders to eat better, weight loss/gain, and are more likely than not accompanied by some sort of medication that will throw your body into complete turmoil . Exhausted but able/not able to sleep. Oh, and did I mention the hot flashes and headaches?

Another year goes by. I start to feel guilty. The doctors are currently unable to find a problem. I believe it is likely something in my body causing the ‘baby challenge’ that doctors haven’t identified yet. As a woman, a woman wanting a child so badly and not particually career driven. if I am not able to conceive, what is my purpose? I can say with absolute certainty that my husband does not hold even an ounce of contempt or blame for me. That does not hold off the guilt and feelings of uselessness. They rear their ugly heads on a daily basis.

With the guilt comes the worst feeling of all. When you want so desperately to have a child and cannot, you begin to begrudge the people around you the same happiness you want for yourself.

My cousin(s) or friend(s) become pregnant. I am simultaneously happy for her and extremely bitter. Her baby shower is torture because not only do I feel angry that things are so good for her, I feel like a heinous person for even having these thoughts in the first place. I am angry at everyone, including myself.

The kicker of all of this? “Stress”, they say, makes it harder to conceive. Right. No problem. “Stop trying and it will happen”, they say. Why didn’t I think of that before? I’ll get right on that!

So here we are, almost four years into the process (because that’s exactly what it’s become – a process) with no results. I am on the cusp of having my second IUI procedure (I get three tries free on the NHS). IVF would be wonderful… we can save up the £3-6,000+ that it would take, and possibly more after problem. Then comes re-mortgaging...

It would be nice for this to have a happy ending like me writing in all bold letters “I’m pregnant!” I’m not. But, I can say that taking the time to explore the virtual tidal wave of emotions that I’ve gone through, and am still experiencing, has made them much easier to weather.

That’s the key, really — acknowledging that you are angry or sad or depressed. Once you do, you validate the feelings and they are no longer so desperate. I urge every woman or couple out there to do the same. Talk to each other. Talk to someone else. Write a blog, keep a diary. Whatever you do, know you are not the only one, even if it feels just that way.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I was right.

AF showed. I ovulated. I KNEW it! I FELT it! I was RIGHT!

But does being right take away the disappointment of another failed cycle? No.

But it does give me hope that I can trust my own instincts in this TTC journey. And it's encouraging that both of these last cycles were perfectly in sync. I got a positive OPK on CD21 (it was my friend after all) and got my period at 12dpo. Exactly. So I have to be happy with the consistency of my body.

I also have my first appointment with the RE to look forward to next week. I expected to be scared, nervous, and worried. But as of right now, with the appointment being 5 days away, I feel empowered.. if that makes sense. I feel that we will walk in there and meet someone who will be able to help us get that little baby in our arms. I feel like I've overcome all the fear behind the testing, poking and prodding. Bring it on. I'm ready. I won't let fear weaken me in this quest anymore. I feel happy to have had Dr.Sikes on my side this whole time, but I'm ready to move on. I'm happy with the progress we made, but I'm ready to make more.

Because of current life situations, ultimately, we might meet with the RE, get a diagnosis, and decide to wait a little while to pursue further treatment. Everything is undecided, but not far from my mind.

It's the waiting game.. what else is new?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I may have jinxed myself.

Last night I started feeling a little bloated. I'm guessing AF will show any day. I tested this morning. BFN.

Monday, November 15, 2010

10 dpo, and feeling nothing.

No bloating, no pressure, no cramps. Nothing. Last cycle by this point I was feeling PMS majorly. The last few days all I've been noticing is a sore lower back and breast tenderness. Hmm. I guess in a few days I'll know for sure what's going on. My period is due in 2 days. I might test tomorrow morning, we'll see!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Keep Smiling

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Feeling Better .

I called my doctor around 9:30 am on Tuesday but she wasn't in yet and she called me back around 12:40. I explained the whole thing to her, about how I really felt that I ovulated, but I didn't have it validated because I never got the smiley face. A friend was ever so kind to send me some opks this month because she had some left over from her last cycle. I told Dr.Sikes about that and when I told her they shipped in the mail she said that it's possible they went on a plane and that they probably had to go through an x-ray or magnetic scanner and that it's very possible that that messed up reader part of the opks. That hadn't even crossed my mind, but it makes total sense. We'll never know what really happened, but there are a few possibilities. So I told her what my symptoms were and that I really felt that for the first time my body was giving me signs that it was happening. She said that based on that, and in her professional opinion based on her experience also, she really thinks I ovulated. She also said that since I ovulated last month on this dose, that it really wouldn't make sense for me not to this time. She also decided against a progesterone draw to confirm ovulation because she didn't want to get inaccurate results.

So we are going with that I got a positive on CD 21 and ovulated on CD 22. So right now I am 6 dpo. I'm really REALLY going to try not to test until my period is late, which was about 12 dpo last month. My lower back hurts and I feel a little bloated.. My boobs hurt too, but that could all be pms.

So I'm trying to just forget about it and let time go by.

Over the weekend, Aaron and I decided that we want to move on to an RE next cycle if we're not pregnant this time. We just feel like we've given it a good shot with 4 Clomid cycles and that maybe it's time to be a little more closely monitored. Preferably while on Clomid, I should have internal ultrasounds every month as "follicle scans" to see how many mature follicles are ready to release eggs, if any. This time I really felt stuff on both sides, and that's kinda scary unmonitored. I have no idea what the hell happened in there you know? I'm really happy with the progress we've made with this doctor, but she's only there part time and sometimes that makes it hard to communicate. When I told my doctor this, she said that she agreed that we had given it a good try with Clomid and maybe it is time to move along. She hinted at the fact that even if I had stayed with her, she would have wanted me to take a few months off Clomid anyway to give my body a break. So she had me call Oregon Reproductive Medicine and make an appointment just to have a foot in the door. If we are somehow pregnant this cycle, I'll just cancel it. The appointment is set for 8 am (so Aaron can come with me) on Wednesday November 24th. That gives me plenty of time to either get a positive test, or start my period. They're sending me a packet to fill out in the mail and apparently it's going to be intense, the nurse warned me lol.

So, all in all, I'm feeling pretty good right now. A lot better than I was last friday, that's for sure. I feel confidant in the decision to trust my body and I can't wait to see what happens! WOO!

I took a picture of the OPK progression just for my peace of mind and also if any doctor needs to see it. I still see a very clear progression.


Sunday, November 7, 2010


Sigh. I got so upset and frustrated on friday that I didn't even want to talk about it or think about it the whole weekend. Hence why I'm writing this at 11:15 on sunday night. I took my OPK friday expecting a definite positive due to what CD21 looked like and it was negative and really light. I was extremely confused by that. It made me think CD 21's was positive. But it if was positive, why didn't it smile at me? It was the darkest line I'd ever had on an OPK EVER. Not to mention that for the first time in our whole TTC journey, and YEARS, really, I felt like my body was giving me signs. It still was on friday. I felt bloaty, crampy, (not to mention still on both sides) and my lower back hurt. Now there's a twinge of doubt in my mind that I can't trust my own body and gut feeling. ARGH! I felt like screaming. I had a mini meltdown and vented at poor Aaron who couldn't really do much to cheer me up.

I guess the best I can do is just got with my gut and say CD22 is O day. We'll BD and see what happens. Only time will tell. Maybe I'll get pregnant, or maybe I'll start my period on my own again. That will tell me that I did O. And if nothing happens and I don't start AF naturally, I'll know I didn't, and that I really can't trust my body. Argh.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

21 wasn't my friend.

Not this month, anyway. Another negative OPK tonight, but with a darker line than yesterday. Does that just mean my follies are taking a long while to mature? I'm just confused. My hubby also wondered and put in my head if maybe the electronic thingy that reads the test may be bad? I don't think so, because it does all the normal things, but I'm using my one from last cycle. Anyway. I only have one stick left to pee on, so it better be tomorrow!



Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Let's refresh! Last month, on October 2nd on CD21, I got a positive OPK!

Here is what my OPK looked like tonight at CD20! It was negative, but that's DAMN close if you ask me! It will be positive tomorrow, I just know it! YAY! :) And of course it has to be CD21 on November 4th. All of those numbers mean a lot to me. Ever since I was little 4 has always been "my number". and I always ALWAYS make a wish at 11:11. 11/4. <3 21 has a very special meaning for DH and I. Firstly, my birthday is on a 21st, our first date was on a 21st, and we were married on a 21st. On our honeymoon in Vegas, we won $$$ on roulette on 21. lol.. it's just been a very lucky number for us. I'm loving it!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I think tomorrow!

I think tomorrow I'll see that little smiley face!! :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Waiting to O!

I think I can feel something happening. Last month I was completely taken off guard and had no idea it was going to happen until I saw that little smiley face on the OPK. But this time, I really think I feel something going on inside me. I hope it's not just in my head, but I don't think it is. The only "problem", is I'm feeling things on both sides! For the past few days I've been feeling a very noticeable "full" feeling on both sides of my low low belly. Twinges and small cramps also. I'm not sure what will happen, but usually if you feel twinges of both sides, from what I understand that typically means that both ovaries are preparing to release eggs. Kind of scary.. I wish my doctor was able to do an internal ultrasound so we could take a peek at my follicles to see what's going on.

Tonight when I got home, I forgot to take an OPK! What is wrong with me?! lol.. So I took one around 8 pm with urine held for barely 2 hrs. Not so good.. It looked really similar to the one I got RIGHT before my positive last month, so I think maybe tomorrow will be the day! :D
It hasn't even entered my mind that it might not work this month because of how I've been feeling these last few days. I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment, but I don't think so. :) Come on ovaries! It's almost baby time!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It's CD 7 already!! Woo!

I can't believe how fast this cycle is going! I am amazed! The extra time I needed to jump start my period is really what kept each cycle taking 2 months! I'm so excited! I'm actually having a period 2 months in a row! Tomorrow is friday, and already, monday I start taking OPKs! Yikes! I can't wait to O! :D

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Game Over.

I started my period yesterday.

I was sad for about 5 minutes, but then I started thinking. I have no time to be sad. I can't sit here and dwell on something I cannot change. I have so many positive things to take away from this cycle, being sad would almost be cheating myself! I'm happy! I OVULATED! I actually produced an egg!! And I started my period ALL by myself, in a very timely manner! This is very good! Maybe my system is being jolted back into doing what it's supposed to!

I start taking Clomid again tomorrow. I can't believe it! Usually I have to wait so long in between cycles because I have to take Provera to start my period. It usually ends up being an extra 2 weeks of waiting! Now we get to try again (hopefully!!) in about 20 days!! I can't wait to see if Clomid on this dosage makes me ovulate again.

My doctor has decided to put me on another medication this time around. It's called Metformin. It is typically a drug that type 2 diabetics take. Upon further reviewing my original test results, Dr. Sikes decided that my blood glucose was on the high range of normal and that maybe (because of other symptoms I've been having) I was insulin resistant. In short, being insulin resistant screws up your hormones, produces too much testosterone, which makes it hard to ovulate. Here is an excerpt from a website that can describe it much better than I can:
Insulin is the hormone that delivers glucose into your cells to be burned as fuel, or stored as fat. Women with infertility frequently have "insulin resistance", a condition where excessive amounts of insulin are required in order to get blood glucose moved into energy cells, where it belongs. Metformin helps your body to transport glucose with relatively less insulin, thus lowering your insulin levels. Chronically high levels of either glucose or insulin in your blood contributes to obesity, heart disease, infertility, and certain cancers, as well as the development of diabetes.

So hopefully, combined with Clomid, this will help me have a successful cycle! The only downside is that the side effects are really nasty. My doctor has warned me that I'll be feeling bad for about a month.. Nausea, upset stomach, vomiting, diarrhea.. yuck. Ah well! If it helps, I'll try it.

So here we are! Starting anew! I can't wait to see what it brings!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

3dpo... And now we wait...

The timing was perfect, everything went right.. Now we wait to see what happens.

I've decided I'm going to take a short hiatus from my blog. The next 10 days or so are going to pass by painfully slow, but when we take that test and get the results, I'm going to need time before I tell everyone the outcome. If it's positive, we want to keep it a secret until we can make sure everything is ok. If it's negative, I think I'm going to need a little alone time before diving back in.

Keeping my fingers crossed for the best results possible, and if/when it's time, it will bring me great joy to share with you all!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Day Two!!

This morning I took another OPK just to see if I would get a positive, and the circle was empty! I was really bummed, thinking that if the surge lasted time wise, it should still be there. I was trying to stay positive that it wasn't a fluke, but I still wanted to take another one later this afternoon. Funnily, I took it again at the Rose Garden. We were there for another hockey game.. hehe. Anna came with us and she was in the stall with me when the smiley face appeared again!! I guess I can only get a positive OPK at sporting events! lol. The line inside the OPK was much darker, too! YAY!!!

Saturday, October 2, 2010


It happened. I can't believe it. I kind of had a feeling after this afternoon's dark test, but at the same time I was so shocked to see that little smiley face appear. And the best part? It happened at a hockey game! LOL. I needed to save up my pee to get a more accurate reading, so I brought an OPK with me to the game. We walked in the doors of the Rose Garden at 6 pm, and I headed straight for the restroom. I was sitting there in the stall, waiting the 3 minutes for the results to pop up and feeling a little self concious as I heard the buzz of activity right outside my door. Women coming in and out, chatting, completely oblivious to the fact that I was in there nervously waiting for the damn thing to load. I glanced back at it, saw the smiley face, and screamed "OH MY GOD!!!!!!" out loud. I probably startled a few people. I took a picture of it, to make sure it was real, then I ran out to the concourse to find DH. I ran to him and showed him, and he said "Are you fucking kidding me???" hahaha!! then I cried in his arms. I was SO HAPPY! FINALLY!!!! Now we just need to do the fun part ;-) I can't believe I get my very own first 2ww!!! EEEEK! I hope HOPE hope we can catch that egg!!

Maybe there's hope!

This morning I got home from hanging out with Jen and had to pee pretty bad. I went without taking an OPK with me, totally spacing that I had to take one. Just now I decided to try it before we left for the day but I barely had to go. I squeezed out what I could and got a negative OPK, but the line was the darkest I've seen it ever! It's so much darker looking in person, but here is a photo. I'll take another later this afternoon!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Goodbye, late September.

I know, I know.. It was a hell of a long shot, but a teeny little part of me was hanging on to the fact that the baby psychic said late September would be when we would conceive or find out we were pregnant. October 1st is bittersweet. Another day gone, a day closer to fate. Whatever that is. It's not like I truly believed that it would happen, but it still saddened me today to stare at the calendar and see the month change. Tomorrow is CD21 and still, no O. I'll be patient though. I'll test until I run out of OPKs. I have 5 or 6 more in the box. I still have very good cervical position and plenty of CM, so that's a good sign. I just hate the waiting!! It's so hard to go through the day without constantly thinking about it. I try hard. But it still creeps in a few times an hour. I've gotten better about not talking about it so much with my friends (who know) and Aaron. I think I drove people a little nuts :)

I had kind of a down day today. Seeing a negative OPK day after day gets difficult after a while. I got a little depressed for a few hours. But I have to keep thinking of the positive and hang on to something! So to make me feel better, I listened to this song on my ipod.

Hey, it worked for Cinderella, right?

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

Monday, September 27, 2010

It's a fine line...

The line between getting pulled closer to despair because of the 6 (so far) negative OPKs, and getting excited because (I think) I see changes in my body is a very thin one. Logically, I know I can't start this now. I'm only on CD 16 and all things considered, it's still "early". And then I think there's something different happening this cycle.. Getting a bunch of symptoms I've never had before. I'm torn between trying not to get too excited and fretting because time is going by. I'm not worried though, I mean not REALLY. I won't be worried until I pass CD 25.. So that's 9 more days of trying to stay calm either direction I look in. I can do this!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hello, Breast Tenderness.

So the whole time I've been on medication I've waited for breast tenderness to hit me. My doctor said that Provera especially could bring it on, but it never did, not once. And now that all the drugs are out of my system it shows up. Hmm. And it's pretty noticable. I was driving to work this morning and made a left turn and my elbow kinda squished into my breast and I said "Ouch," out loud, which definitely surprised me lol. I don't wanna get too excited, but could it be a sign that O will happen finally?!?! Gah, I hope so!!!!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

OPK Test Results

Tuesday September 21st - Negative
Wednesday September 22nd - Negative
Thursday September 23rd - Negative
Friday September 24th - Negative
Saturday September 25th - Negative
Sunday September 26th - Negative
Monday September 27th - Negative
Tuesday September 28th - Negative
Wednesday September 29th - Negative
Thursday September 30th - Negative
Friday October 1st - Negative
Saturday October 2nd - POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I got my box of OPKs yesterday.

And boy was it hard to fork over $50 for them. Sheesh!! But my doctor insisted I get the Clear Blue digitals this month because she wants to be absolutely certain wether I O or not. So off we went to the pharmacy and I got the 20 pack for $49.99. DH was a little horrified but consented because he knows it's necessary. Now come on O, please!!!! Will start testing on CD10! I am all done with Clomid as of yesterday, thankfully. I had some odd vision change side effects this time around that I really didn't care for. Hopefully I won't have to take it ever again!! Yay!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Do you ever have those days...

When you'd rather sit on the toilet 5 extra minutes doing nothing than dealing with cleaning up a heavy period? That's right folks, this post is coming to you via the toilet seat. Yuck. Being a woman really does suck sometimes lol. Maybe it's because I've been spoiled with no AF for over 6 months, but I just find it so unpleasant to deal with. This is by far my heaviest period since we started this whole ordeal. I have to change at least twice an hour and overnight last night was pretty bad. DH says it's because my uterus really is making room for our baby this time, so it's going to work :-) I love him. I hope it does! Taking my first dose of Clomid this afternoon at 1pm. Alright, alright. I suppose I should get back to reality and deal with this. Ew. *sigh*

Sunday, September 12, 2010

CD 1 !

Here we go! Cycle 3 has "officially" begun. Kinda hard to believe that even with medication this is only my 3rd period since May. It should be closer to 5. Ah well. Last chance, last shot, here we go. Taking 150mgs of Clomid on CDs 3-7 and start OPK testing on CD 11. I really hope we have a chance this cycle!!! Come on little eggie, please come out!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Feeling AF coming!

OHHHHH my poor belly!!! But this means it's almost time for Clomid! :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Sperm Analysis Results!


Count: (normal) greater than 20 million (ours) 66 million
Motility: (normal) greater than 50% (ours) 78%
Forward Progression: (normal) 2-4 (ours) 3
Morphology: (normal) greater than 30% (ours) 44%

I know those terms and numbers may not mean a lot to some of you (trust me I was confused too lol) but basically it means my husband had awesome baby making spermies! Haha. :-) So yay! That was a great releif to hear that it's not both of us, it's just me. Come on Ovaries!!! Please cooperate!!!

On day 8 of Provera today so just a few more days before AF should be here! Woo hoo!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Cycle 3 in full swing

I started taking Provera 2 days ago. So after my dose this afternoon, only one week left!

DH and I are getting up super early tomorrow to be at OHSU by 8am for his SA. He's not really looking forward to it, but knows it needs to be done. Ahh the things we do for a mini Peachey :-) Not too sure when we'll get the results from the SA, but the lab will be reporting back to my doctor who will call me... So by the end of the week would be nice, but we'll see! Other than that, nothing exciting to report! Just more more more waiting.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Moving on, AGAIN.

Well, this cycle is over, too. No O. Not even a hint of it. I really am starting to wonder if maybe Clomid doesn't work for me. Some other women that I know say that clomid makes them crazy with mood swings ect.. The only thing I really feel is hot flashes.. I do get grumpy a little bit I think, but it doesn't make me crazy. Sigh. Well, this is it. This is my last shot with my doctor and her attempts to make me ovulate. If I don't O on 150mgs, I'm getting sent to an RE. Aaron has his SA sometime the first week of September, so that's the next "big step". Right now I'm waiting to start my period on my own (yea right) and if I don't I start Provera again on August 29th. Then Clomid CD 3-7 and I'll start testing with OPKs on CD 11 again. We shall see what it brings!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

OPK test results

Friday 8/6/10- Negative
Saturday 8/7/10- Negative
Sunday 8/8/10- Negative
Monday 8/9/10- Negative
Tuesday 8/10/10- Negative
Wednesday 8/11/10- Negative
Thursday 8/12/10- Negative
Friday 8/13/10- Negative
Saturday 8/14/10- Negative
Sunday 8/15/10- Negative
Monday 8/16/10- Negative
Tuesday 8/17/10- Negative
Wednesday 8/18/10- Negative
Thursday 8/19/10- Negative
Friday 8/20/10- Negative


This morning I'm having some not such nice thoughts. I'm frustrated and angry. For myself, and for all my infertile friends out there. Pondering the "fairness" of life often leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I guess it's kind of my fault for watching this television show and letting it get to me, but I can't help it. I love watching Discovery Health. There are so many cool shows that are positive and informative, but I just watched one for the first time that sickened me. It's called "I'm pregnant and...". This particular episode was "I'm pregnant and I'm in prison". Let me break it down for you. Basically this woman is 23, already has 3 children, 2 of which she can't see because she's a violent drug addicted meth whore, and she's in prison for possesion of meth and attempted robbery when she finds out she's pregnant. Surprise!! Ugh. I just don't understand why people like that who just whore their way through men for personal gain and drugs get pregnant so easily. It's so unfair. Here we are, putting our bodies and wallets through the wringer in hopes of achieving our dreams of being parents, and this woman who has no idea who her baby's father is, gets to go to the OB in handcuffs and shackles. We have safe homes, nurseries, and love waiting for our little miracles, and this poor baby gets the spend the first 18 months of his life behind bars in a prison nursery because his mother didn't plan for him. Ugh. It's just so aggravating.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Just got off the phone with my doctor. My clomid challenge results came back normal!!!! !!!! And while we were talking we came up with a new plan of action. We're waiting to see if I'm going to ovulate this cycle on 100mgs. Regardless of if I do or don't, DH will be getting a SA done late this month. If I ovulate, great! If I don't, we're going to try 150mgs next month. If that's also a bust, moving on to an RE. She gave me the option of seeing an RE next cycle without trying 150mgs, but I really like her a lot and I'd like to stay with her if I could. So we have one more shot! But hopefully I won't need it cause I'll ovulate this cycle, darn it!!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Crystal Ball

So about 3 weeks ago I did something I'd never done before. I ordered a prediction from a psychic. I'm not usually one to put TOO much stock into that kind of stuff (I know you don't beleive me because 2 weekends ago I bought a rose quartz lol) but I thought it might be fun to see what was said. This psychic specializes in baby readings. Here is what she predicts for us. What do you think?

Thank you for being patient with me while i got back to your reading. I am seeing you wtih a Girl and they relate her to late September so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. They show her as someone who is always really loving and gentle. The one that will give you a hug if she knows that your having a really tough time. They show her being born late at night and I am seeing her being in the low 8lb range. I am not seeing her with tons of hair. 

I think that you are going to find her to usually be one of the taller kids in her class. Even when hanging around with the kids who are her age that shes friends with, shes usually one of the taller ones (by an inch or two). She usually likes to keep her hair fairly long and I am often seeing her modeling during a younger years. I am seeing her as she gets older is more focused on studies and is always really focused. You are going to find that shes not one to fool around when it comes to her future. I think that you will find her to be someone who is always doing things for herself. She really does not like it when someone takes over something or tells her how it needs to be done without giving her the chance to try it on her own and see how she wants to do it.

She can be pretty stubborn. I think that you will find that when you try and help her with something shes the one that is actually going to show her frustration, and actually take it apart at times to do it herself. I think that you eventually learn and ask her if she wants help and if shes struggling and saying she does not want help, you usually just let her do it and see how long it takes.

Shes always really interesting to talk to. I am seeing her having very deep opinions on things and is always the one to have good knowledge on the things that shes willing to debate.

When it comes to career paths, they show her working as a DR. I am seeing this linked to more of a pediatric type feel (she loves kids).

When it comes to marriage, I am seeing her closer to 25. They will have two boys and one girl of their own,.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

CD10 blood draw tonight.

My last test before knowing the results of the Clomid challenge. I have no idea how long it will take for the doctor to call me and give me the news, but at least in the meantime I'll be busy POAS to distract me lol. I start checking for ovulation tomorrow. Really praying and hoping we at least have a chance this cycle. Can't wait to see that dark line on my OPK!!!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Oh, hot flahes. How I've missed you! NOT!!!

I had some pretty brutal moments of intense heat today. 4-5 "big ones" and some other smaller flashes. The clomid does that to me. (and a lot of other patients! :hugs: Kelly) Luckily they stayed away on moving day, so there's that to be happy about, but the next few days should be fun.... All part of the end game!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hello, Clomid. We meet again.

I just took my first dose of Clomid and I choked on the pills. Nice lol. Here we go again! Come on ovaries!! Please listen and do your job please!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

First blood draw is done

And I don't know why I was nervous. I wasn't nearly as scared as last time, but I was still jittery being there by myself. But it was again very fast, and about as painless as possible. I mean, it doesn't feel good, obviously, but it didn't hurt too badly. I've decided that the key to a successful blood draw really is to drink about a gallon of water beforehand. You may have to pee 7 times while you're waiting for the nurse to call your name, but your veins will be nice and big! :) AF is here in full force. It's been pretty heavy the last few days and it's leaving me tired and cranky, but no time to fuss. We're moving tomorrow and we are so unprepared it's not even funny. It's going to be a LONG night tonight, but we gotta get it done. Tomorrow won't be pleasant either. I HATE moving. :( it's going to be pretty warm and tomorrow is my first dose of clomid. Praying I don't get any hot flashes or I just might not make it through the day. Sigh. Ah well. Pressing on!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

CD ONE!!! Yayyy!!!!

Never did I think I'd be eagerly waiting for the day my period started. Yet, here I am, feeling crampy and miserable, but super excited at the same time. This is the start of a brand new cycle full of possibilities and hopefully great news! I've been feeling very positive since I talked to my doctor again on Friday. She explained a little more about the challenge and said she really thinks I do have eggs, she just needs to figure out how much clomid to give me to make them release. That made me feel a little better, just hearing it come out of her mouth. The challenge is important, but it's also a formality just in case I have to be reffered to a specialist. We can show all the testing thys been
done, and they can decide where to go from there. Anyway... AF was a few days later than last cycle, but I'm glad it's here!

Of course, I had to have all the nasty symptoms while I was at the beach with the girls. Ew. Sunday was pretty awful. We did a lot of walking and by the end of the afternoon while strolling on the sand, my lower back was in so much pain I could barely walk. It was no fun. I felt like such an invalid. But we still had an amazing time!!!! It was a great vacation. Best friends are the best! :)

While we were there, I also got a beautiful piece of rose quartz. It's said to have a lovely energy that promotes fertility and protects pregnancy once it's acheived. I'm not usually one to put much stock into things like that, but I figured it couldn't hurt. :)

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

Now it's just waiting a few days to get my blood drawn and then start clomid. I'm excited. :)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bring it on, AF!

I just finished my Provera prescription this afternoon. Hoping it only takes 3 days to start AF again.. But I'm not feeling very PMS-ish. I was cranky yesterday, but I'm not feeling any cramps, back pain, or bloating like I was last time.. Maybe last time it was worst because it was my first period in over 6 months? I don't know. But I hope against hope that I don't have to wait any longer than I already have to!!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

CD 40?? Really??

I can't believe I'm on the 40th day of my cycle today. Yuck. How discouraging. I know it's because AF decided not to show on her own and the added 10 days from taking Provera makes it seem longer, but just seeing that big 40 bummed me out today. I have two more provera pills to take (today and tomorrow) and then hopefully the same 3 day wait for AF. What sucks though is that she'll most likely show the day before I leave for my girls weekend beach getaway with my best friends. Funnnnnn!! Not.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ugh... Not feeling it.

I have been SO tired the last few days. Extremely exhausted. To the point of needing a nap. That doesn't happen to me too often. I checked back on last month's cycle notes, and realized I was pretty tired the first few days of Provera then too. It just comes at a bad time because I have so much packing/cleaning to do to get ready for our move in 2 weeks! Yikes. I need to snap out of it. In the meantime, everything is proceeding normally. No sign of AF or PMS. 5 more days of pills left!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Here we go again!

So AF didn't show on her own. Not a huge surprise. I was hopeful on Saturday and Sunday because I was feeling some heaviness and bloating that's usually associated with PMS. It was suggested to be that some BDing might help start things along, but afterward the feeling went away! So much for that! lol.. So yesterday afternoon I took my first Provera pill. 12 more days until AF should be here and then on Monday the 26th I'll go in for my first blood draw for the Clomid challenge. I'm feeling pretty good about it right now. I mean.. I'm a little nervous about what the test will reveal (and I probably will be even more so as it gets closer to the date of the draw) but it would be pretty cruel and unjust of life to give me a low ovarian reserve at such a young age, so I'm holding out that everything will be fine. :) One step at a time.

Monday, July 5, 2010

la dee da

It's been a quiet couple days on the TTC front. It's kinda weird. After spending so long taking the medication, and then obsessing about peeing on OPKs... Now there's nothing to do! I have to call the doctor back tomorrow to let her know that I found a lab that is open on sundays to do a blood draw. We are just covering all our bases in case CD 3 or CD 10 happens to come on a weekend. I HAVE to have my blood drawn THAT day otherwise the clomid challenge will not work. She'll then have me come by after work probably and pick up my prescriptions for the Provera just in case I need it, and the Clomid 100 mgs. And my lab slips, also.. Then it will be a few more days of waiting for AF to show. Sure hope she does, but we'll see! If not, the whole pill taking starts again. Only time will tell!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Moving on...

So I had the talk with my doctor this morning. I actually tried to jump the gun and call her yesterday, but she wasn't in.. That's what I get for being impatient, lol.

We've both come to the conclusion that Ovulation is just not going to occur this cycle. She seemed a little surprised when I told her about the 14 negative OPKs I've taken over the last few weeks, but quickly came up with a plan of action for me. We are going to wait until July 10th to see if AF shows on her own.. If she does not, I will have the Provera in hand and ready to take on July 11th.. I'm really hoping AF shows on her own though, because that would shave off almost 13 days from next cycle.. That'd be great! But considering she was absent for so long before, I'm not holding out much hope.

When my next cycle starts, I'll be doing something called "The Clomid Challenge". It's a test where I have blood drawn on CD3 and CD10 and taking Clomid 100mgs CD 5-9. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but it measures the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) in my blood and based on the results, they will know if my ovarian reserve (the number/quality of my eggs) is good.. Or not good. Either way, it will rule some things out.

If I pass the challenge, it means I will O next cycle! THAT I am excited about. They will be able to tell me with certainty that I will ovulate if the hormones are in the right range. If I fail the cycle, I have no idea what we'll do after that. She did mention briefly that if it comes down to it, she'd like to send me to Oregon Reproductive Medicine. She says they have really high success rates and some of the lowest infertility treatments prices in the country! So that was positive, but hopefully it won't come down to that.

Overall, I am happy with this "next step". I like her no-messing-around attitude. We're not going to waste time trying the same dosage for another cycle, we're just going to get answers, NOW. I feel very fortunate that she is proceeding quickly. I know it's not so for everyone going through this. :hug: At the same time, I am a little nervous about the outcome of this challenge. But I think there is going to be a certain level of nerves involved no matter which step of the journey we're on. I just need to get used to it!

I contacted our insurance this morning too, to try to figure out if the blood work for the clomid challenge will be covered (she couldn't give me a concrete answer, but most likely no. grr) and had her list our "reproductive treatment" coverage again. If it comes down to it, we have a $10,000 lifetime maximum to use toward IUI and injectables! That I feel super lucky to have. Hopefully we won't ever need it, but it gives me peace of mind that a pregnancy is not out of reach if money becomes an object.

But.. I will listen to Jordin Sparks :) One Step At a Time. For now, I'm just not looking forward to getting poked in the arm 2 more times. eeek. Come on, BIG O!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


This is it. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow. I can't do this anymore. Can't.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Elusive little line

I had a line on my 2 pm OPK today!!! It was there! I swear! Even though the picture doesn't show it! I was so excited that I did another test at 7 pm. That one however, was blank. Going to the store in the morning and buying another brand test to pee on tomorrow :) Hope it's there! Last few chances!


Monday, June 28, 2010

I'll just call this one BLANK CD 19

Yep.. You guessed it. No O for me today. And I'm beginning to think there won't be an egg at all this cycle. I kind of made peace with that today. I talked to a few friends who reminded me that I need to just relax, stay positive, and that no matter if this cycle works or not, I'm on the right road. MILES farther than I was a few months ago.. Thanks girls for keep me sane :)


I was listneing to itunes on shuffle today, and this song popped up. A song that I've heard many many times.. But today I stopped to listen and heard the words in a whole new way.. I love it when that happens and music inspires you to think differently.. :)

Sunday, June 27, 2010


Still nothing today. I really wasn't expecting a change since yesterday's line was so light.. A few ladies on TMP have told me today that they've O'd on CD 19 and CD 22 while on clomid, so that did make me feel a little better.. Few more days to go! Who knows!


Saturday, June 26, 2010


With every day that goes by, I grow more and more disappointed and worried. Needless to say, today's OPK was a BFN. Blanker than any others I've taken so far. Not even a hint of a line.. At first I tried to stay optimistic.. It was early.. But now I've taken 9 negative OPKS. I only have 6 more testing days, and if I don't get that positive, I have to call the doctor to see what's next. That scares me. I don't like the unknown. I have no idea what the next step is.. I was really hoping it would just work the first time.. And it still may.. 6 days is a long time for that little egg to decide to release. But with each non existent line, my resolve dissolves a little more. I promised myself I wouldn't get disappointed if the first cycle didn't work. After all, we may be in this for a longer haul than we had hoped. Who knows. I can't be this sensitive and disappointed every time something doesn't work. I'll be broken long before we achieve anything. I have to try and learn to toughen myself up a little. It's not over yet. And I'll stay positive and smiling until I have to pick up the phone and call Dr.Sandy. There.. Saying it makes it real, right?


Friday, June 25, 2010


Today I had my first malfunctioning OPK test. I peed on it, and it didn't do anything.. No control line, no test line.. just blank. And it was my last one, go figure! I ran over to the dollar tree after work and picked up 2 cheapo ones just for tonight and tomorrow until we can buy more.. I had a change in my CM today, so I thought maybe the line would be a little darker than this, but no.. *sigh* Until tomorrow..

Ps. Don't you love my awesome counter top in the bathroom? lol


Thursday, June 24, 2010


still nothin....



So this is what my OPKS (ovulation prediction kits) have looked like since I started testing. The line visible is the control line. The blank space next to the arrow is where my test line should be.. But as you can see, it's not there.. This means I most certainly am NOT ovulating, and probably won't be soon. :(


Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I've decided to make this my official TTC blog.. I don't think too many people from facebook are officially "following me" so I feel comfortable going ahead with some details I normally would definitely keep to myself.. So please.. If you are a facebook friend and you happen to read this.. I don't want to share or discuss our TTC journey there.. At least not yet. We want to be a little private about it so there aren't too many questions or a lot of pressure. As soon as we get our BFP, we will shout it from the rooftops! In the meantime, having somewhere to write down all my feelings that are bottled up inside is very important to me. Otherwise I might go nuts! =)

So, let's start at the beginning I guess.. lol.. Aaron and I decided we wanted to try to conceive in December of 2009. The decision was pretty sudden. We've always talked about it, and wanted it, but it always seemed like "it wasn't the right time". We finally decided that if we waited for "the right time" we'd be waiting forever.. lol.. So there you go! We were very excited in the beginning, but pretty soon it became apparent that things were going to be a little tougher for us..

I stopped taking birth control just before christmas and we started trying right away. My last period had been on December 6th, so we thought we were jumping in at just the right time. My period was late in January and at first I thought that we'd gotten lucky on the first try!! I wish..
I didn't get my period and kept getting negative after negative when I tested.. And from there it was pretty much all downhill. I didn't have a period (thus not ovulating) at all for 6 months.. I was pretty worried during that time that something was seriously wrong, but we didn't have any medical insurance yet. Finally in April, Aaron's new job approved us for it. I was extremely relieved and excited and made my first appointment for May 7th.

The first appointment was extremely positive. I really liked my doctor and we talked for almost 2 hours. I was shocked that it lasted that long and I felt really positive in the end. I had to randomly select her on a website and just went off of names.. It turns out she has a very strong background in infertility and we came up with a plan of attack right away. The very next day I went to the hospital for my very first blood draw.. I was scared, but Aaron came with me and held my hand.. =) I drank lots of fluids and it went really well. My blood was getting tested for PCOS, hypothyroidism, diabetes, and hormone levels. I was really really scared and nervous while I waited for the results. I went back for my second appointment and was very relieved to find out that everything came back normal. There was no real reason or explanation as to why I wasn't ovulating. I just wasn't. The doctor decided to start me on 2 different medications to help me start my first official TTC cycle.

I started taking provera in the last week of May and I had to take it for 10 days. 3 days after my last pill, my period, LONG OVERDUE, finally came! It was not pleasant, let's just leave it at that. It lasted 9 long days and I was so glad when it was over! My new cycle had finally begun! This was Day 1. Starting on Day 3 I had to start the other medication, clomid. The purpose of it was to help me ovulate. My moods on clomid were a little off. I got cranky during the evenings and I had pretty bad hot flashes, but all in all, it wasn't too bad. On cycle day eleven, last sunday June 20th, I had to start testing with ovulation prediction kits.. So that brings us to now! I haven't had a positive yet, but it's still early! I really really hope I ovulate, otherwise we're back at square one!

So there... Our TTC journey so far in a nutshell.. I will keep this updated with information as it comes along! I hope that soon, this will become my pregnancy blog :)

Monday, May 3, 2010

In 4 days ...

In 4 days, I finally go to my first doctor's appointment. We had a few hiccups with getting our insurance all figured out, but it's finally time. I'm feeling nervous and scared, but mostly stressed. I've had 4 or 5 stressful dreams about it the last few nights... Things like not being able to find the doctor's office, forgetting my paperwork and insurance card once I finally get there, and getting lost down a long long hallway on my way to the exam room.. I know none of these things will actually happen in real life, so I don't know why I'm so wound up... I think it's just finally dawning on me that ready or not, I'm going to get answers.. in 4 days.. Well, maybe not in 4 days, but in 4 days I will definitely be on the path that will get me those answers...

Am I ready to hear them? Yes and no. No because I'm scared that it's bad news and I don't know how I'll react.. and Yes because even though I'm already setting myself up to get bad news, I want to know. I NEED to know. Seems like time is going by so so slow right now.. I've waited so long to take care of this and now that it's within days of happening, I'm the most impatient I've ever been. It's like, come on already!! I need to hear it..

I'm so thankful that I will have supporters with me that day. Jen and Anna, thank you.

Here's to hoping that the next few days will fly by. And once i have some real answers, I will be more open about what it is. I just don't want to speculate and be wrong. You just never know in life.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

February 21st, 2010.

Today, I have been married for 6 months exactly. I can't believe how fast these months have gone by!! To me, the 6 months prior to the wedding, and the 6 months after have FLOWN by. These months have seen a lot of ups and down. Firstly, our honeymoon. Our first REAL vacation together =) Then, even though it ended badly, Aaron getting his job back at Pacific Breeze was an important part of getting back on our feet. And now, after 4 LONG crazy weeks of being emotionally up and down and super stressed out, we finally know he is officially hired by Schwan's. =) I am so happy for him. It's been a long difficult journey of feeling stressed and doubting his self worth. He starts working tomorrow, and I think it will be all downhill from here. We are hoping this will set up the future for us.

For me these last 2 months, it's been a different emotional battle. I've been trying really hard not to think about it too much, or even talk about it with anyone, but it's starting to take it's toll. This is another reason I'm very much relieved that Aaron got this job. We will have access to very good medical insurance and I can finally go to the doctor's to confirm or hopefully absolve my suspicions. I'm not too worried, because I know that no matter what, we can fix it. But it's still stressful to think about. Well, hopefully it won't be a question in the back of my mind too much longer.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Tired of ...

-Not Knowing.
-The Anticipation.
-The Letdowns.
-The Frustration.
-The Insecurities.
-The Second Guessing my Gut Feeling.
-The Disappointed Faces.
-The "Feeling".
- The Wanting and Longing for What's Rightfully Mine.
- I'm just Tired of IT.

Monday, January 25, 2010

sitting here

watching friends =) ah yes, the joys of friends. on a big screen. Season 3, the hug and roll, race car bed and Frank Jr disc. I'm lucky to be sitting here enjoying life. =) the end.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Blogging? Me?

Well, here I am.. Blogging. Hmmm.. Interesting indeed. Never thought I would have a blog, but what do you know. Life may get interesting this year, and I thought it would be fun to start sharing with everyone! I'm assuming that most people who will be reading this blog probably know me well; but just in case there are some newbies, here is a little about me.

I'm Melodie Peachey.. obviously =) Just became a Mrs. this last August 21st when I married my wonderful husband, Aaron. We live in Cornelius, OR (aka BFE) in a small apartment with our dogs Oscar and Gretchen. I work for a wonderful family as a nanny. I take care of a 2 year old girl named Addie and a 4 month old boy named Sebastian. My husband will start a new job next monday working for Schwan's. We are very excited about this, as it will help us be a little closer to the financial stability we are trying to achieve.

Well, that's pretty much it! The Peacheys in a nutshell. Not sure how often I'll be updating my blog, but stay tuned for more to come =)