OPK CD 17

With every day that goes by, I grow more and more disappointed and worried. Needless to say, today's OPK was a BFN. Blanker than any others I've taken so far. Not even a hint of a line.. At first I tried to stay optimistic.. It was early.. But now I've taken 9 negative OPKS. I only have 6 more testing days, and if I don't get that positive, I have to call the doctor to see what's next. That scares me. I don't like the unknown. I have no idea what the next step is.. I was really hoping it would just work the first time.. And it still may.. 6 days is a long time for that little egg to decide to release. But with each non existent line, my resolve dissolves a little more. I promised myself I wouldn't get disappointed if the first cycle didn't work. After all, we may be in this for a longer haul than we had hoped. Who knows. I can't be this sensitive and disappointed every time something doesn't work. I'll be broken long before we achieve anything. I have to try and learn to toughen myself up a little. It's not over yet. And I'll stay positive and smiling until I have to pick up the phone and call Dr.Sandy. There.. Saying it makes it real, right?