OPK CD 21

This is it. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow. I can't do this anymore. Can't.

Elusive little line

I had a line on my 2 pm OPK today!!! It was there! I swear! Even though the picture doesn't show it! I was so excited that I did another test at 7 pm. That one however, was blank. Going to the store in the morning and buying another brand test to pee on tomorrow :) Hope it's there! Last few chances!

I'll just call this one BLANK CD 19

Yep.. You guessed it. No O for me today. And I'm beginning to think there won't be an egg at all this cycle. I kind of made peace with that today. I talked to a few friends who reminded me that I need to just relax, stay positive, and that no matter if this cycle works or not, I'm on the right road. MILES farther than I was a few months ago.. Thanks girls for keep me sane :)



I was listneing to itunes on shuffle today, and this song popped up. A song that I've heard many many times.. But today I stopped to listen and heard the words in a whole new way.. I love it when that happens and music inspires you to think differently.. :)

OPK CD 18

Still nothing today. I really wasn't expecting a change since yesterday's line was so light.. A few ladies on TMP have told me today that they've O'd on CD 19 and CD 22 while on clomid, so that did make me feel a little better.. Few more days to go! Who knows!

OPK CD 17

With every day that goes by, I grow more and more disappointed and worried. Needless to say, today's OPK was a BFN. Blanker than any others I've taken so far. Not even a hint of a line.. At first I tried to stay optimistic.. It was early.. But now I've taken 9 negative OPKS. I only have 6 more testing days, and if I don't get that positive, I have to call the doctor to see what's next. That scares me. I don't like the unknown. I have no idea what the next step is.. I was really hoping it would just work the first time.. And it still may.. 6 days is a long time for that little egg to decide to release. But with each non existent line, my resolve dissolves a little more. I promised myself I wouldn't get disappointed if the first cycle didn't work. After all, we may be in this for a longer haul than we had hoped. Who knows. I can't be this sensitive and disappointed every time something doesn't work. I'll be broken long before we achieve anything. I have to try and learn to toughen myself up a little. It's not over yet. And I'll stay positive and smiling until I have to pick up the phone and call Dr.Sandy. There.. Saying it makes it real, right?

OPK CD 16

Today I had my first malfunctioning OPK test. I peed on it, and it didn't do anything.. No control line, no test line.. just blank. And it was my last one, go figure! I ran over to the dollar tree after work and picked up 2 cheapo ones just for tonight and tomorrow until we can buy more.. I had a change in my CM today, so I thought maybe the line would be a little darker than this, but no.. *sigh* Until tomorrow..

Ps. Don't you love my awesome counter top in the bathroom? lol

OPK CD 15

still nothin....

OPK CD 14

So this is what my OPKS (ovulation prediction kits) have looked like since I started testing. The line visible is the control line. The blank space next to the arrow is where my test line should be.. But as you can see, it's not there.. This means I most certainly am NOT ovulating, and probably won't be soon. :(

Decisions...

I've decided to make this my official TTC blog.. I don't think too many people from facebook are officially "following me" so I feel comfortable going ahead with some details I normally would definitely keep to myself.. So please.. If you are a facebook friend and you happen to read this.. I don't want to share or discuss our TTC journey there.. At least not yet. We want to be a little private about it so there aren't too many questions or a lot of pressure. As soon as we get our BFP, we will shout it from the rooftops! In the meantime, having somewhere to write down all my feelings that are bottled up inside is very important to me. Otherwise I might go nuts! =)

So, let's start at the beginning I guess.. lol.. Aaron and I decided we wanted to try to conceive in December of 2009. The decision was pretty sudden. We've always talked about it, and wanted it, but it always seemed like "it wasn't the right time". We finally decided that if we waited for "the right time" we'd be waiting forever.. lol.. So there you go! We were very excited in the beginning, but pretty soon it became apparent that things were going to be a little tougher for us..

I stopped taking birth control just before christmas and we started trying right away. My last period had been on December 6th, so we thought we were jumping in at just the right time. My period was late in January and at first I thought that we'd gotten lucky on the first try!! I wish..
I didn't get my period and kept getting negative after negative when I tested.. And from there it was pretty much all downhill. I didn't have a period (thus not ovulating) at all for 6 months.. I was pretty worried during that time that something was seriously wrong, but we didn't have any medical insurance yet. Finally in April, Aaron's new job approved us for it. I was extremely relieved and excited and made my first appointment for May 7th.

The first appointment was extremely positive. I really liked my doctor and we talked for almost 2 hours. I was shocked that it lasted that long and I felt really positive in the end. I had to randomly select her on a website and just went off of names.. It turns out she has a very strong background in infertility and we came up with a plan of attack right away. The very next day I went to the hospital for my very first blood draw.. I was scared, but Aaron came with me and held my hand.. =) I drank lots of fluids and it went really well. My blood was getting tested for PCOS, hypothyroidism, diabetes, and hormone levels. I was really really scared and nervous while I waited for the results. I went back for my second appointment and was very relieved to find out that everything came back normal. There was no real reason or explanation as to why I wasn't ovulating. I just wasn't. The doctor decided to start me on 2 different medications to help me start my first official TTC cycle.

I started taking provera in the last week of May and I had to take it for 10 days. 3 days after my last pill, my period, LONG OVERDUE, finally came! It was not pleasant, let's just leave it at that. It lasted 9 long days and I was so glad when it was over! My new cycle had finally begun! This was Day 1. Starting on Day 3 I had to start the other medication, clomid. The purpose of it was to help me ovulate. My moods on clomid were a little off. I got cranky during the evenings and I had pretty bad hot flashes, but all in all, it wasn't too bad. On cycle day eleven, last sunday June 20th, I had to start testing with ovulation prediction kits.. So that brings us to now! I haven't had a positive yet, but it's still early! I really really hope I ovulate, otherwise we're back at square one!

So there... Our TTC journey so far in a nutshell.. I will keep this updated with information as it comes along! I hope that soon, this will become my pregnancy blog :)